EVER thought that the beautiful get all the perks? Not entirely. These five things that make being plain and unappealing worthwhile:
Shallow wankers ignoring you completely
Not much to look at? Then skin-deep dickheads only interested in your chiselled jaw and six-pack, or alternatively your flawless complexion and big boobs, won’t monopolise your time. Only those truly interested in you will stick around to hear what you have to say. Of course they’ll be nowt much to look at.
You can develop a personality
The gorgeous never get to, because everyone’s delighted at everything they say or do. Your inherent hideousness gives you opportunity and incentive to get a good sense of humour and a few interests. These will keep you busy on the long, frequent nights where nobody wants to buy you drinks or shag you.
The thrill of achievement
Have you ever heard a hot person complain that they only got their well-paid job or business-class upgrade because of their looks? And sympathised, while hating your own pathetic neediness? At least with a face like yours you know every promotion or kind word is a result of hard work, not hard abs.
Aging’s not your greatest fear
The desirable know time is coming for them, and worry endlessly about their faces sagging and their waistlines growing. The rest of us have nothing to maintain and might even look better older when expectations are lower. Spend your Botox and moisturiser on a nice holiday.
You’ll never be cursed by a jealous witch
Beautiful fairytale princesses and handsome princes are constantly at risk of being put into 100-year comas by envious old crone. Fair to say they’d have no interest in a humble hunchback like you. And you’ll probably get to be the hero in the end. While still being ugly.