Benefits claimant admits subsistence income scam

AN unemployed man is scamming the taxpayer out of £67.50 a week, it has emerged.

He enjoys a rich tomato sauce on his pasta shapes

Former care worker Norman Steele does not have to lift a finger to receive the sum, equivalent to an annual salary of £3,510, which he uses to pay for a lifestyle of utility bills and Lidl sausages.

He spends his time sitting at home filling out job applications, or lounging in front of his 14” full-colour TV.

Steele said: “The best part is watching the Secret Millionaire, where the participants get to stay for a week in a flat that is supposed to illustrate grinding poverty but is still bigger and nicer than my place.”

The UK’s sizeable embittered population were eager to criticise Steele’s perceived ‘like something from Shameless’ benefits bonanza.

Sales manager Wayne Hayes said: “For some reason I can’t seem to grasp the fact that £67.50 a week is a very small sum of money to live on. This fucker probably drives a top-of-the-range BMW and eats unicorn steaks every day.”

Factory worker Carolyn Ryan said: “The thought of other people having any amount of pleasure, however minimal, makes me sick. My life is utter shit so I don’t see why everyone else’s shouldn’t be too.”

Ms Ryan then used the phrase ‘end of’, as though that in some way validated her argument.

Her friend Emma Bradford said: “Some people on the dole are lazy bastards that do fuck all. I know this because I’m one of them.

“But that doesn’t stop me having a worthless, vindictive, judgemental opinion, and it is as follows: they should complete at least 900 job applications per day while wearing lead clogs.”