BNP Drops White Men Who Secretly Fantasise About Denzel Washington-Only Policy

THE BNP has voted to open its membership to people who are not repressed homosexuals secretly pining for the hot love of a large, powerful black man.

At an extraordinary general meeting in Essex, the party reluctantly agreed to accept straight and openly gay people who do not over-compensate for their latent urges by lashing out at the object of their lust.

The BNP was forced to change its constitution after a court ruled it was in breach of equality laws by excluding anyone who did not lie awake at night with their hands down the front of their pyjamas, replaying scenes from The Pelican Brief.

But party leader Nick Griffin said forcing latent gay men with inter-racial sex fantasies to mix with everyone else was a 'symptom of the multiculturalism which has failed Britain so spectacularly'.

Griffin, who once famously declared there is 'no such thing as a bisexual Welshman', added: "They'll be welcomed as long as they keep quiet during our weekly screenings of Crimson Tide and agree with our position that Denzel Washington has no business parading himself like that, flexing his supple limbs and acting like he could have any man he wanted."

Tom Logan, professor of latent politics at Reading University, said: "It will be interesting to see how this impacts on the BNP given that it has always been such a fragile coalition of conflicted gay men and Nazi leather fetishists."

Meanwhile the party faced further criticism after physically ejecting a Times journalist who gave Washington's latest film, The Book of Eli, a four star review.

Nick Griffin said: "We will co-operate with the Times when it stops going on and on about that scumbag Washington and his easy charm, his chiselled jaw and those broad, muscular shoulders that make me want to spend the entire afternoon in my study with a 'do not disturb' sign on my knob."

 

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Living Under A Flyover Is Character-Building, Says Minister

A FEW months sleeping under a flyover and eating discarded banana skins never did anyone any harm, the government said yesterday.

Housing minister John Healey said being thrown into the street could prove to be the making of you and confirmed that all future repossessions would be linked to the householder's level of moral fibre.

Mr Healey has appointed Bill McKay, a retired sergeant major in the Royal Anglian Regiment, to assess people in arrears and decide whether or not they would benefit from a few months in a cardboard box.

Sgt McKay: said: "Look at me when I'm talking to you, you fuckin' little maggots!

"If any one of you fuckin' mummy's boys can't pay your mortgage this month you will get my boot right up your fuckin' homo gayboy arse!

"And don't go crying to the financial fuckin' ombudsman. For the next six months your arse belongs to me, now gimme the keys to your house and then scrub my shitter with this fuckin' toothpick."

Mr Healey will visit Carlisle later today to unveil the new 50-acre 'Trampatarium' situated under the A6 flyover, which features open-air accommodation for over 3,000 recently evicted ghost-fighting pavement dwellers.

He said: "Flyovers, council dumps and railway arches will become the new boot camps of the 21st century where people can lose weight, toughen up and learn how to make informed decisions about mortgage products."

Sergeant McKay added: "And don't call me 'sir' – I'm not some fuckin' nancy-boy Sandhurst arse-bandit!"