A FIVE-YEAR-OLD has explained how he wants to be a policeman who sits in a large office coming up with initiatives like ‘crime reduction partnerships’.
Tom Logan’s police fantasies never involve catching criminals, instead focusing on jargon-filled presentations entitled ‘Managing Stakeholder Crime Expectations’.
Parent Emma Logan said: “Tom hates playing outside or doing any sort of physical exercise, so I suppose it’s only natural that he wants a career in police management. Yesterday he made all his teddies and Action Men sit in rows and used my iPad to give a PowerPoint talk on diversity.
“When I asked if he was going to catch any baddies he said ‘no’ because he had to attend a two-day ‘continuing professional development’ conference about cybercrime at a luxury hotel.
“I know kids want to be a police senior manager one day and an astronaut the next, but I think Tom’s serious because he won’t touch his toy police car but loves pretending to do his expenses claims.”
Tom said: “Policemen have to arrest nasty scary people who do bad things. That sounds horrid so I’d prefer to get on a fast-track graduate promotion scheme and sit in an office thinking up ideas for crap initiatives called things like ‘CrimeLink’.”