BRITAIN has condemned small talk as idiotic and pointless and called for its immediate abolition.
The country wants small talk to replaced by medium talk, leading eventually to only ever talking about big things that actually matter.
Medium talk pioneer Tom Logan said: “For centuries British people have spent their first minutes together discussing the details of their journey, or exchanging generic observations about sport or clothes.
“Let’s at least begin with a forthright opinion about a television programme or telling the other person they do not look well.”
Medium talk is due to graduate to big talk in 2018 with new acquaintances easing into conversation with a string of massive, irresolvable questions.
Logan added: “It will be normal to greet a new person by shouting ‘Will there ever be a lasting peace in the Middle East?’ or ‘If there wasn’t a God wouldn’t humanity need to create one?”