A MAN whose bus arrived nine minutes late has declared this is further proof that the UK is a failed state.
Tom Logan, whose 176 bus was delayed due to planned roadworks and traffic lights, said the delay was symptomatic of Britain’s decline from a leading nation to a lawless state like South Sudan.
After paying for his journey almost instantly by tapping a credit card on a reader, Logan expressed his dismay to his wife on his mobile phone with fully functioning 5G reception.
He said: “Everything is utterly broken beyond repair thanks to decades of gross neglect.
“Nothing works. I’m stranded here on a cosy, heated bus with nothing to do but eat a Twix I bought effortlessly in ten seconds from a vending machine as I head to my computer-based job where IT problems are remarkably rare.
“We’re a banana republic without the sunshine. Worse, we’re close to complete social breakdown. I had to put in a call to British Gas about the bill yesterday. You can expect to wait 30 minutes on hold for that.
“Actually it was resolved after five minutes. But it’s an indictment of the broken system that I expected a longer wait.
“I still had to be on the safe side by visiting his toilet to urinate and flush it away using a fully operational sewage system in case I was on the phone for ages.”
Anticipating complete systemic collapse, Logan has built a bunker at the bottom of his garden filled with tinned goods from shops with mostly effective supply chains.
He went on: “It collapsed due to moderate rain making the ground soggy. I blame the dysfunctional Met Office which failed to predict it.”
