Britain rallying round buy-to-let landlords

BRITAIN has pledged to do all it can to help the country’s hard hit buy-to-let landlords.

New taxes and regulations imposed on people buying a home that is not their main residence have prompted calls for support networks and public subsidy.

Landlord Martin Bishop said: “I bought this house specifically to rip off students. Now I’m going to have to pay a little bit more than I previously would have paid.

“If I wasn’t going to pass that cost on to my tenants, plus a little bit more, I would be extremely anxious.”

Student, Eleanor Shaw, said: “Is there anything I can do? If you just want to talk, I’m here, okay?”

She added: “It breaks my heart to think of this poor man having to charge all this money. Meanwhile, I’m having the time of my life sharing a flat with eight other people in a part of Nottingham that’s usually on fire.”

Bishop added: “Well, if it’s on fire then that will be another fifty quid a month.”

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Farage still spouting shit, in case you were wondering

NIGEL Farage is still out there, talking a lot of shit, Britain has been reminded.

Experts confirmed he was still travelling the country, spouting garbage like an utter fool.

Political analyst Julian Cook said: “I think it was something about how the EU makes British cows much smaller. So leaving the EU means we’ll have bigger cows, as well as really big sheep and ‘chickens the size of pigs’.

“Meanwhile, all the animals we don’t like will become much smaller. Tiny little seagulls and titchy wasps that are terrified of picnics.

“So basically, yeah, that sort of shit. As you were.”