THE UK’s employees aren’t going to be doing a lot this week, they have announced.
With four bank holidays in close succession, many workers have booked off the last week of April.
However the millions who were less forward-thinking have issued an official decree to themselves, declaring that they will be in an intermediate state between being on holiday and not being on holiday.
Sales administrator Tom Logan said: “A semi-holiday means that although the body is present the mind is not. Basically I will be seated on the correct chair in front of the correct monitor and that’s about it.
“It’s all about doing slightly below what would be considered the absolute bare minimum for a standard working day.
“There are a number of reasons why I’ve decided I’m giving myself this exciting sort-of time off. First, it is the royal wedding week and I want to devote all my mental energy to patriotic thoughts.
“Second, there’s no point in starting anything new before the bank holiday. Which you have to admit is a powerful argument regardless of whether or not it’s true.
“Third, something about suppliers being on holiday.”
Customer service advisor Nikki Hollis said: “I was really pleased when I announced to myself that I wasn’t going to be really doing any meaningful work this week.
“Especially as so many of my colleagues are on actual holiday, which I am fairly certain is unfair although I have not quite worked out why this is the case.
“So for me the next few days are going to be like one of those television adverts where all the girls in an office are basically just into chocolate and handsome manual workers.”