Britons to be held accountable for their drunken boasts

BRITONS are to be held responsible for all their drunken boasts and failure to do so will result in criminal charges.

This weekend alone saw hundreds of thousands of drunken boasts, and under new government measures all of these boasts will now have to be upheld without exception.

Hungover Tom Booker said: “I only claimed to be able to do 100 chin ups without stopping because I was drunk. I never thought anyone would pull me up on it.

“Especially not in a magistrates’ court.”

Weekend alcoholic Nikki Hollis said: “On Saturday night I drank a bottle of budget gin and told my sister I could easily write a best-selling album.”

“Then I got a letter through this morning saying that if the album wasn’t finished by next month I was liable to be fined or even prosecuted.

“Which means I’m going to have to quit my job and start writing some hits.

“And learn how to play an instrument.

“And stop drinking Gin.”