LECHEROUS builders who wolf-whistle at women must now behave similarly towards men.
Following concerns about men on scaffolding who express admiration via the medium of whistling or shouting, new legislation has been introduced to make them divide their attention between the sexes.
Builders must wear electronic ‘lechometers’ to ensure they are not discriminating in their sexually suggestive behaviour.
36-year-old builder Roy Hobbs said: “For every woman I perv at, I have to behave similarly towards a man or I get an electric shock to the groin.
“At first it felt weird yelling ‘get your cock out’ or ‘nice arms’ but there are actually some quite good-looking men out there.
“Not that I’m gay or anything, but there is one local shop worker who looks like Lewis Hamilton and I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a garden hose pipe fight with him, and then dry off together under a big white fluffy towel.
“Or to run through a forest together holding hands and then lying exhausted in each others’ arms in a patch of late-spring sunlight.
“Of course I’m mainly into birds though. Cor, get your tits, and so forth.”