BRITAINS thugs have asked whether jiggling a fat person is a hate crime.
As Greater Manchester Police began classifying offences based on clothing and eyeliner, bullies said the lack of clarification on size-based cruelty risked creating ‘a legal minefield’.
Bill McKay, director of the Royal College of Arseholes, said: “Is it still okay to pretend there’s an earthquake whenever a large child walks past you?
“Or will our members be hauled up in court and made to say sorry like some fucking hippy?”
He added: “With goths and emos now under police protection, all we have left is fat people, old people, students, people who wear glasses, people who read books on the bus, people who enjoy classical music, men who are obviously not as tough as us, and all women.”
Despite a lack of official figures police estimate that thin-on-fat crime is on increase. Anecdotal evidence suggests that it takes less than eight seconds for a pub argument to contain the phrase fat prick if one of the parties weighs more than 13 stone.
But McKay said the move was an indiscriminate attack on his members, adding: “Then they came for the arseholes and there was no-one left to speak up.”
Meanwhile, football supporters have prepared a contingency chant of, ‘Who ate all the pies, who ate all the pies? Was it an unresolved emotional issue that made you eat all the pies?’.