A CAT is incandescent with rage after his finely-honed hunting instincts failed to detect a man walking up behind him.
Black cat Tom Logan was caught off guard by a member of the public during the long, watchful stalking of a pigeon on the road where he lives.
He said: “I was staring intently at a front garden, scanning for prey, but was so focused I had no idea some sneaky six-foot bastard had crept right up behind me.
“It was well out of order. I’m an apex predator with deadly hunting skills – basically a tiger but on a less ostentatious scale – and this guy made me look a right fucking muppet.
“How he managed it I don’t know, my highly-tuned senses give me virtual 360 degree vision. He was dressed in a suit, but he has to be some kind of ninja.”
Logan was vague about how many kills his hunting abilities had resulted in, but said it was ‘loads’ and that mice are ‘a lot harder to take down than you’d think’.
Logan’s owner Donna Sheridan said: “Aw, did something frighten you? Was it that nasty Jack Russell across the road? Come to mummy for a cuddle.”