Thursday, 15th April 2021

Little sod demands entire WHSmith stationery section for new school term

A CHILD has told his parents they have to buy him the whole WHSmith stationery section or he will call social services.

Seven-year-old Tom Logan informed his mum and dad that without a vast amount of school supplies for the new term he will fail in life and they will be criminally negligent.

Logan said: "Everyone knows kids judge each other on the contents of their pencil cases. Last year I had to subsist on just £20 of stationery. That's the kind of neglect and deprivation you'd expect in an NSPCC ad.

“I’d prefer not to blackmail Mum and Dad but it’s got to be done. Without loads of stationery I’m nothing, nobody. But with 15 rollerballs and a protractor set in a tin I’m a big swinging dick.”

Logan and his weary parents finally emerged from WHSmith with more than 120 items including a giant ruler and a scientific calculator more suited to a PhD maths student. 

Mum Sarah Logan said: "The stationery cost us a f*cking fortune plus a taxi to get it home. We're taking it out of the little sh*t's future house deposit."