A CHILD who thought his parents were all-knowing, god-like beings has realised they are idiots.
Nine-year-old Stephen Malley has been increasingly suspicious after incidents such as his dad getting his homework completely wrong and his mum trying to fold up a buggy with his baby sister still inside.
Malley said: “These people are absolutely fucking useless at most of the things they attempt to do. It’s almost as if they’re making it up as they go along.
“They act like they’re really capable and I’m some sort of idiot because I haven’t been alive as long. But, unlike mum, I’m not the one who drinks too much white wine then cries because I tried to trim my own hair and it went wrong.
“They’re pretty immature if you ask me. You should have seen the tantrum dad had when he left his iPhone on the lawn then cut the grass.
“Also there was the time we all had food poisoning because neither of them knew chicken isn’t like beef and therefore isn’t ‘fine to eat when it’s a bit pink’.
“I’ll be moving out on my 16th birthday. If I survive that long.”