Class will always remember shit teacher who let them do anything

A SECONDARY school class has tearfully confessed they will never forget Mr Logan, the shit teacher who let them do whatever they wanted.

Class 5KQ will have happy memories of their schooldays when they leave, but mainly due to Mr Logan’s geography lessons where they were allowed to do fuck all and act like twats.

Pupil Nikki Hollis said: “I’ll always remember the friends I made, the laughs I had, the texts I sent, all under the benevolent, lax smile of Mr Logan as he pretended not to notice Liam punching Gavin.

“I’ve learned everything here. The value of friendship, the price of an eighth of weed, that Emma Bradford did it with Steve Malley on the rugby pitch after last year’s prom. It’s been magical.

“The only thing I haven’t learned is much geography, which I will definitely fail. But everyone knows you don’t really need qualifications.

“I’ll never forget you, Mr Logan. You were my best teacher. Thanks for not even trying.”

Teacher Tom Logan said: “Geography’s quite easy so enough of them should scrape through. They’ve had a doss and I’ve been able to do my internet banking. It’s win win.”

Vegan will make an exception for Babybel

A VEGAN has confirmed that he confusingly still eats the small, individually-packaged French cheeses Babybel.

Nathan Muir refuses all other animal products, including gelatine and chips cooked in animal fat, but has made an illogical exception for the slightly twee snack cheeses.

Peeling a cheese, Muir said: “I gave up all animal products in 2014 and I’ve never looked back. All animal products except Babybel.

“I’m against milking cows because it’s cruel, but Babybels are only small so they can’t use that much milk. So it’s not really being cruel to cows, more like just hassling them for a bit of milk.

“I also feel eating Babybels helps me stick to the rest of my vegan diet, so it’s for the greater good. It’s definitely not because I just really like Babybels.

“I’ve always been unafraid to challenge society’s conventions. That’s why I’m a vegan who eats Babybel.”

Muir’s girlfriend Helen Archer said: “It’s probably just as well because ever since going vegan Nathan’s mainly eaten Marmite on toast and crisps. If it wasn’t for Babybel he’d probably die.”