ANY parent teaching their child to swim is fully aware that the shallow pool they must get into is basically a massive vat of toddler urine.
Millions of mums and dads are pretending to have a lovely family experience while desperately trying not to think about the filth they are splashing about in.
Father-of-two Tom Booker said: “A few brightly coloured inflatables and a tropical mural can’t mask the fact that I’m about to do the front crawl in a toilet.
“I’d wear a wetsuit but there’s so much warm piss I’d probably get heat exhaustion and drown.
“I’ve also noticed a lot of adult bastards use it as an excuse to ignore the ‘shower before entry’ sign, so you can add parents’ stinky groins to the mix.
“It’s basically a primordial swamp out of which crawl very tired looking adults that smell like a drunk man’s pants.”
Son Josh Booker said: “It’s not just piss, I squeezed out a poo the other day. Dad scooped it out and we all just carried on like we weren’t swimming with actual turd flakes.”
Tom Booker added: “To be fair it’s not just the kids. ‘When in Rome’, as they say.”