SELF-STYLED clever people cannot stop expressing their indifference to the royal offspring, it has emerged.
Thousands of columnists, bloggers and people who’ve read Wolf Hall are unable to shut up about how little they care about the forthcoming baby.
Social commentator Nathan Muir said: “Most people don’t realise this, but the royal family is an antiquated, irrelevant institution based on an accident of birth.
“A lot of people claim to be indifferent towards this baby, but trust me, I’m more indifferent than them.
“Also I’m indifferent in a different way. I’m reluctant to say a cleverer way but if you want to think that then fine.”
Columnist Emma Bradford said: “Tonight I’m actually going on The Review Show to describe at length my disinterest in the royal child.
“I’m hoping to crowbar in the word ‘manichean’ so people think that’s how I talk normally.”
Nathan Muir’s girlfriend Carolyn Ryan said: “Nathan was just like this when Lady Diana died. He spent four solid weeks being obsessively uninterested in that.”
Muir responded: “Actually, she was Diana, Princess of Wales when she died. You can’t even get that right and you’re obsessed with the royals.”