Clothes enter fifth day in washing machine

A WOMAN’S clothes have entered their fifth day trapped in the washing machine with no escape in sight. 

The mixed wash, comprising tops, leggings, two pairs of jeans and underwear, finished their one-hour wash over 118 hours ago and fear they may have been forgotten. 

Pyjama top Helen Archer said: “It’s never been this long before. We could be in real danger. 

“She’s around – we can see her walking about through the porthole – but she seems oblivious to the fact that we’re in here, soaking, cold. 

“There’s a pair of knickers that are delicates, and we’ve been trying to keep them going but I honestly don’t know if they’ll last another night. 

“Please. The purple top says it used to be your favourite. Remember us.” 

Owner Susan Traherne said: “Shit, is that washing still in? It’ll stink like old leaves by now, I’ll put it on again. 

“Oh, I forgot I’m away for the weekend.” 


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Unfunny Facebook comment 'liked' out of years of friendship

A MAN has been forced to ‘like’ an unfunny comment left on his Facebook page out of years of friendship.

Tom Booker was forced to ‘like’ the comment left by his friend Martin Bishop despite the fact it wasn’t funny and barely even made sense.

He said: “If someone from work or maybe a relative had left the comment I could have simply deleted it, or taken the piss out of them.

“But as it’s Martin and he did help me move house last week I’m forced to pretend I found it worthwhile and amusing.

“That did then unfortunately lead to some other people adding their remarks to the comment which I then also had to ‘like’ to not look like a prick.

“I’d say it’s a ball-ache having friends but more accurately it’s just a ball-ache having Facebook.”