Class system broken down into people who say red sauce and people who say ketchup

THE British class system has been broken down to two types of people, those who say ketchup and those who say red sauce.

Researchers at the Institute for Studies found that people earning under £40,000 a year all call it red sauce whilst those in the higher income bracket, without exception, say ketchup.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “For example, the Queen would call it ketchup and the commoner who’s married to her grandson would call it red sauce.

Roger Waters, ketchup. Anyone who won X Factor in the last 5 years, red sauce.”

Professor Brubaker added that there is no earthly reason why brown sauce is just called brown sauce and doesn’t have any other kind of name.

He said: “Bretchup maybe? Or does that sound too much like Brexit?

Brexit Sauce is probably what they’ll start calling it in Wetherspoons.”

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Devoted son spends hours searching for Mother’s Day discount codes

A LOVING son spent an entire morning googling coupon codes to get money off a bunch of flowers for his mum, it has emerged.

Tom Logan decided his lovely mum deserved to be treated like a queen for a day and so spend yesterday morning looking for offers.

Logan said: “I love my mum, and because I can’t be bothered to go home to see her for Mother’s Day, I decided it would look thoughtful to wow her with a heavily discounted bouquet.

“But these flower companies are taking the piss. I’m not paying for delivery as well.

“Mum wouldn’t want me to waste my hard-earned money on some flowers that are going to die in a week, especially since I’m heading off to Thailand for a three-week bender with my mates.”

Logan added: “I’ll probably get her a card that says ‘Mum’ in big fuck-off letter on it so she knows it’s for her. Or something with a photo of a baby sleeping in a cocktail glass – that’s the kind of thing mums like, isn’t it?”