Coca-Cola selfie stick no more than our civilization deserves

A SELFIE stick emblazoned with the Coke logo more or less sums up where we are as a society, it has been confirmed.

Experts agree that a branded plastic rod that assists the narcissism of cretins is the perfect symbol for humanity in 2015.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Civilizations of the past left their mark on the world by building great cities, or awe-inspiring monuments, or taming their natural environment.”

“We, by contrast, think the height of cultural achievement is to take pictures of our idiot faces while simultaneously advertising a corporate behemoth that hawks brown sugary piss.

“It’s not exactly the Colossus of Rhodes, is it?”

27-year old Tom Booker from Bedford said: “I used to worry that I would never be able to express who I was to future generations. But thanks to my Coca-Cola selfie stick, posterity will understand that I am a preening simpleton in hock to consumerism and vanity.”

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Britain ‘not homely'

BRITAIN just isn’t homely and hasn’t been since the late sixties, it has emerged.

New research has confirmed Britain as ’somewhere you might go on holiday but not a place you’d want to live’.

Sociologist Mary Fisher said: “It’s alright, but a bit corporate and sterile. Like a massive Travelodge hotel room with fields in it.

“I quite like London, in a kind of expensive tourist trap hell hole kind of way. Wouldn’t want to raise any kids there though.”

Briton Tom Booker said: “I recently went to Berlin. It was cheap, the people were friendly and I didn’t have to look at George Osborne’s face.

“As soon as I got back home I thought, ‘Britain really is a shit hole’.

Mary Fisher added: “If Britain was a sitcom character, it would definitely be Rigsby from Rising Damp. Aspirational, clinging to the past and always wanting more money from you.”