Commitment-phobic gay man privately dismayed by Irish referendum

A GAY Irish man who can now legally wed his partner is desperate not to.

After Saturday’s referendum in favour of gay marriage, 31 year-old Stephen Malley can no longer use Ireland’s institutionalised homophobia as an excuse not to marry his partner of seven years, Tom Logan.

Malley, a software engineer from Dublin, said: “This is a great result for equality and a terrible result for me personally.

“I love Tom, but I want to focus on my career right now, and deep down I’m think the idea of a ‘soulmate’ is kind of idiotic.

“And we bought a Magimix together. That was a huge step.”

Malley said he may move ‘somewhere less liberal and annoying, like Russia, Jamaica, or pretty much anywhere in Africa’.

He added that if the worst happened at least divorce has been legal in Ireland since 1996.

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Watching Eurovision ironically is still watching Eurovision, say experts

WATCHING Eurovision to sneer at it is no better than watching it genuinely, like a Belgian, it has been confirmed.

The contest, founded in 1956 to prove that a united Europe could never work, is viewed by millions of Britons who imagine that knowing how bad it is somehow leaves their souls untarnished.

Psychologist Dr Helen Archer said: “Sitting through two, or even three, entries can be done with ironic detachment and an arms-length appreciation of the massive levels of kitsch involved.

“But by the time you’re watching a Lithuanian woman howl about snow, you need to admit that you’re watching this shit deliberately and that you are a twat for doing so.

“You may even be at a party held deliberately to watch it. Try to imagine explaining that you did this to your grandfather, or an old teacher you respect. Imagine the relentless, crushing shame.”

Joseph Turner, from Blackburn, said: “I thought it would be a laugh, but the joke was very much on me.

“Thank God we did Brexit.”