Adult colouring book doesn’t even contain naked breasts

BUYERS of adult colouring books have discovered they are devoid of any erotic content.

The books, which are selling out on Amazon in a tacit admission that the higher brain functions of the UK are dead forever, have left frustrated grown-ups beating their own crotches with handfuls of felt-tip pens.

Nathan Muir, from Chester, said: “I know what ‘adult’ means. It means tits.

“Combining that with a colouring book, traditionally for children, didn’t make me proud but the heart wants what the heart wants.

“I’ve been tricked into admitting I’m a halfwit without even being rewarded with cursory genital stimulation, and I’d wasted money on six shades of flesh-coloured pens.”

Colouring book author Francesca Johnson said: “I’m not detailing my private erotic fantasies for sausage-fingered heavy breathers who won’t even be able to keep within the lines.

“They can colour in a fucking heron and like it.”