BUYERS of adult colouring books have discovered they are devoid of any erotic content.
The books, which are selling out on Amazon in a tacit admission that the higher brain functions of the UK are dead forever, have left frustrated grown-ups beating their own crotches with handfuls of felt-tip pens.
Nathan Muir, from Chester, said: “I know what ‘adult’ means. It means tits.
“Combining that with a colouring book, traditionally for children, didn’t make me proud but the heart wants what the heart wants.
“I’ve been tricked into admitting I’m a halfwit without even being rewarded with cursory genital stimulation, and I’d wasted money on six shades of flesh-coloured pens.”
Colouring book author Francesca Johnson said: “I’m not detailing my private erotic fantasies for sausage-fingered heavy breathers who won’t even be able to keep within the lines.
“They can colour in a fucking heron and like it.”