Conspiracy theory OK until the bit about Jews

A CONSPIRACY theory outlined by office worker Tom Logan was fine until it edged into anti-Semitism, according to his colleagues.

Logan’s convoluted theory, incorporating Freemason, the Bilderberg Group and Area 51, had been cordially received until he mentioned the Rothschild banking family.

Co-worker Donna Sheridan said: “I was on board with the global plot to brainwash and enslave billions, but became uncomfortable when he got down to ethnic specifics.

“Obviously someone engineered 9/11 and the credit crunch for their own benefit, and probably they are lizards, but I don’t get why they also have to be Jewish.

“It’s like the whole thing is just a sci-fi coating for Tom’s venomously racist views, which themselves stem from a need to blame someone for his persistent failure with women.”

Logan admitted that he’d considered dropping the anti-Semitic bits of his ‘Brotherhood of Reptiles’ theory: “Sometimes there’s a voice in my head going ‘Actually that’s just unpleasant and completely illogical.’

“Then I remember that it’s not my conscience speaking, but the Zionist elders controlling my brain with mind rays that are amplified by my dental fillings.”

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Alec Baldwin is top priority, says international community

WORLD leaders have set aside their differences to focus on the well-being of Alec Baldwin.

The actor has admitted that being famous had brought attention to him, which he found oppressive.

Vladimir Putin said: “Let us disregard the whole Ukraine thing until the star of Madagascar 2: Escape 2 Africa is feeling more cheerful.

“We share a lot of views and I’d really like to get my copy of Pluto Nash signed, so whatever he was going on about in that thing he wrote, we need to get it sorted.”

Baldwin’s happiness has been linked to the strength of financial markets, with the Dow Jones hitting its highest levels in 1994 shortly after the release of The Getaway and the subsequent recession linked to a film called Hick.

Barack Obama is due to meet with Alec Baldwin tomorrow, after mistakenly meeting William Baldwin yesterday.