A BRAZENLY homosexual Winter Olympics is ongoing in the imagination of Russian president Vladimir Putin.
The event is based on the actual Winter Olympics which concluded on Sunday but with cutaway Lycra and explicit man-on-man victory podium kisses.
Putin said: “It won’t stop. The frictionless penetration of the two-man bob. The grins on their faces as they rocket down the luge. The ladies hockey, or I think they were ladies.
“Even the biathlon, which involves guns, has become an event where competitors make out with a chick and a dude.”
Curling is just the same, because it couldnt possibly be any gayer.
And at the climax, I keep seeing myself win the mens figure skating with a routine set to Call Me Maybe by tearing open my sequined shirt to reveal tinsel nipple-tassels.
The event, which had an erotic opening ceremony that the President doesnt have the specialist vocabulary to summarise, is giving him sleepless nights.
Putin continued: God, it makes me want to dress in my Army uniform, sit astride a tank-barrel and give some country a good seeing to.
“And I know just the one.”