Cost of going to work overtakes pay 

THE average workers’ commute now costs them more than they earn.

The average rail season ticket is now £1,850 per month, with an oversized individually wrapped cookie from the buffet car selling for £210.

Commuters’ Federation president Francesca Johnson said: “Whatever job you do, getting there will cost slightly more than you earn.

“For example, a sandwich artist at Subway will find his low wage doesn’t quite cover the price of his bus fare, while a busy executive travelling from the Cotswolds needs to blow everything he earns on a first-class ticket so as not to mix with scum.”

A Network Rail spokesman said: “Our customers are spending four hours a day in our carriages – more if there’s something wet on the line.

“Compare that to the 10 hours they spend in their own home, for which they pay a handsome mortgage, and actually we’re being shortchanged.”

Commuter Stephen Malley said: “I still go to work because I’m conditioned to. And the coffee machine in the office is free as long as I drink three cups an hour.

“So I’m coming out minus £24.16 a day, which isn’t bad.”

He added: “The best bit is when the train steward reminds me every five minutes that the Refresca Cafe Bar is open. Otherwise I’d just be sitting there not knowing how to give them more of my money.”

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privacy

Everyone totally fine with porn sites storing user data

IT’S really not worrying that porn websites have information about users’ whereabouts and habits, according to everyone.

As the website Pornhub released statistics about user habits and which towns like ‘big naturals’, everyone said that’s fine because they don’t even know what any of that stuff is.

37-year-old Tom Booker said: “Pornhub? What’s that? A pornographic website?

“Certainly that’s not something that would interest me. I only ever look at cycling websites after my wife is in bed. Because cycling is my hobby.

“I’m just curious though, how specific is this data. I mean, does it relate to specific addresses, like for example saying a hypothetical man in a hypothetical house is into Asian girls in air hostess uniforms?

“Because in the wrong hands that information could really make that hypothetical person’s life quite awkward.”

Plumber Roy Hobbs said: “So when people look at these so-called ‘porno’ websites they know where you’re from, what you’re looking at and how long you’re looking at it for?

“That’s good. It must be really useful for their business to have a record of all that stuff.

“But just out of interest, how long do they keep that stuff for? Does it get wiped after six months?

“Are they legally prevented from revealing anything to a wife or employer? Also I’ve got a Mac, could the webcam be recording me?

“I mean none of that would affect me anyway. I’m just interested how websites work.”