LOCAL councils are hoping to tackle rat problems with a series of workshops inviting them to explore their ratness through physical movement.
In the last decade there has been a 40% increase in rat numbers, and a 64% increase in the amount of rats that are fucking massive.
But local councils increasingly believe they can ameliorate nuisance behaviour in rodents through structured rodent dance workshops rather than simply getting a stocky man to poison them.
Emma Bradford, facilitator of Midlands-based Rats Move! scheme said: “We dump some bin bags full of chicken bones and sanitary towels in a studio space and leave a door open onto the street. Usually that gathers a really good working group of several thousand grey and brown rats.
“After a warm-up period where I translate the gnashing noises onto a whiteboard, we’ll put on a CD, usually a bit of Fela Kuti and encourage the rats to get playful.
“There’s something really moving about a sea of worm-like pink tails flailing around. A well-timed tail swish can be more expressive than a thousand words.
“Sometimes they get so swept up in the moment that they start eating each other.”
She added: “The state’s traditional approach to rats has been very much killing-based, but we’re going for something more holistic.
“We think the dance works to chill them out, also it encourages them to run around in a less spine-chillingly scuttley way.
“I would also like to add that some of them are really fucking massive.”