A COUPLE have decided to be brutally honest about not wanting a load of little bastards at their wedding.
Nikki Hollis and Tom Booker had originally planned to word the invitation in a devious way so that ‘no children’ sounded like a lovely break from the responsibilities of parenting.
Hollis said: “On reflection this was a transparent lie, so we decided not to insult our friends’ intelligence as well as telling them not to bring their shrieking, snivelling spawn.
“We were going to imply it was a chance for all us old friends to chill out, but we thought, no, we just don’t want kids running round the reception until they injure themselves like the little twats they are.”
Booker said: “We’ve worded the invitation very clearly. It says ‘DON’T BRING YOUR OVER-INDULGED, SCREAMING LITTLE BASTARDS’. I’m sure our friends will respect our honesty.”
Friend Donna Sheridan said: “I’m actually quite offended because Jasper is perfectly behaved. Apart from the biting. And the way he likes shouting ‘Fannies!’ just because he knows I hate it.
“Now I’ve got to find a babysitter when I was thinking the other guests would basically provide free childcare while I got pissed. It’s so inconsiderate.”