Couple buying £500k house really need that 15 grand from Rishi Sunak

A COUPLE about to spend half a million pounds on a house say life would be impossible without their gift of £15,000 from Rishi Sunak. 

Eleanor and Richard Shaw are deeply grateful for the freeze on stamp duty, describing it as a ‘lifesaver’, and have vowed to spend the money on nice things for their sickeningly large home. 

Chartered accountant Eleanor said: “With so much uncertainty about the economy, it makes all the difference to know we can buy some really expensive taps. 

“And a summer house for the garden. We’re not going to fritter all the money on the house though – we’ll probably buy lots of wine and Waitrose food, then put the rest in the bank.

“I dread to think what would have happened if this money hadn’t come through just in time. We might have had to dip into one of our savings accounts.”

Small business owner Richard said: “I feel sorry for renters who won’t be getting this support from the government, but they’ll be getting a fantastic deal at Nando’s, so what’s their problem?

“I’m just relieved the money is there to help us survive these difficult times. I don’t think I could live without a koi carp pond.” 

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How do you like to spend time with your partner?

A) Snuggling up in front of the TV or a romantic walk.

B) Burning their clothes and throwing a chair through the lounge window.

Do you have a special restaurant you visit?

A) Yes. There’s a lovely Thai restaurant we went to when we started dating.

B) No. We can never visit any restaurant more than once because we do that shit thing of having a blazing row then both turning on the manager or any customer who politely asks us to shout less loudly.

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Where do you see your relationship in the long-term?

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