Friday, 28th February 2020

Couple in crazed competition to be most patient with kids

A COUPLE are locked in an increasingly demented contest over who can be the most patient with their children.

Nathan Muir is currently holding a slender lead after being uncharacteristically calm shortly after his wife ‘lost it’ for less than a minute.

Sophie Muir said: “I can do it in the week when it’s just me. A breakfast melt-down about who gets purple plate. A huge argument about whether something is fair. That's a doddle.

“But on Saturday I lost my sh*t when Lottie wouldn’t put her shoes on while Nathan went into ‘quiet and soothing’ mode, sat her on his knee and talked in a low, loving voice like the absolute f*cking bast*rd he is.

“Why can’t he find that kind of patience when she gives the remote control a bath or draws on the car with a pebble?”

Nathan Muir said: “Of course I was trying to make Sophie look like a deranged harridan by being serene and calm.

“But I’m also just a fantastic parent. I should write a parenting book or have a TV show.”