A WEAKLING has turned his heating on before it has even hit November, it has emerged.
Tom Logan put the heating on on Thursday morning, like some sort of decadent billionaire lizard that requires a tropical climate to live.
His grandmother Eileen, who has not even started wearing the big cardigan yet, was visiting at the time and said she is deeply embarrassed by the incident.
She said: “I got up to open all the windows in the house, get a nice breeze going, and this little coward’s sat there suspiciously-near the kitchen radiator.
“That thing should be cold as balls until at least mid-December, but he’s pressed up against it like he and the pipes are on the first night of their honeymoon.”
“I don’t want to be a dick about it but his mother raised him wrong.”
Logan was approached for comment but will not answer the phone because it is too cold for his delicate, precious little face.