MOST people are managing a sumptuous eight hours sleep a night despite crippling credit card debt, it has emerged.
Researchers have exploded the myth that people with large debts lie awake worrying about bailiffs after finding that most snuggle happily under a Egyptian cotton duvet cover they will never actually pay for.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Increasingly people are recognising that there’s no heaven and even if there was, St Peter would probably tell the bailiffs to go piss up a rope.
“What are they going to do? Jump in your coffin and wait there until you set up a direct debit?
“So we basically have two choices. Stop buying stuff – it’s all shit anyway. Or buy an insane amount of stuff, sign up with one of those unusual companies that somehow negotiates half of it into oblivion and then eventually die.
“The credit card people will get all upset but it serves them right for doing something so boring in the first place.”
Helen Archer, a receptionist from Stevenage, said: “I may have Â£16,000 of credit card debt that’s going nowhere fast, but the entire country is up to its nipples in someone else’s money.
“Asking me if I can I sleep at night, is like asking a leper living in a leper colony if he worries about facial lesions.
“If I see a sleep deprived David Cameron, unable to make eye contact with anyone, standing outside Number 10 announcing he has to send 88% of the country into prison for not paying its bills, I might make some hot chocolate.”
She added: “I’ll tell you what does keep me awake at night – the thought of having to live in a bio-sphere.
“I don’t know why, I just think it would be shit.”