Dad finally does something right

A FATHER has been praised by his family for doing something right for the first time in 27 years.

Martin Bishop, 58, has a long history of practical mishaps and a general lack of tact, which has led to enormous embarrassment for his wife Susan and children Emma and Tom.

Tom said: “Dad has fucked up pretty much everything he’s done for the entire span of my life, and beyond that as well, according to mum. He will break anything he touches and offend every single person he comes into contact with, even though he doesn’t mean to.

“But then, the other day, Emma was upset and dad sat down with her and talked about it, rather than making an inappropriate joke and going to the greenhouse for three hours.

“It was amazing. Mum even got a bottle of champagne from the garage and asked dad to pop it. Obviously he nearly broke Emma’s nose by firing the cork at her face, but we let that one go.”

Martin Bishop said: “My work here is done. After a couple more decades of total incompetence, I can die a happy man.”