Dad in weird mood since 2004

A 54-YEAR-OLD man has been in a bit of a mood for the past 17 years, his family has noticed.

Engineer Roy Hobbs has seemed reluctant to spend time with family members for the last decade or so, preferring to be in the shed or slumped in his chair with a can of lager and a forbidding look on his face.

Son Paul Hobbs said: “Come to think of it, dad has seemed a bit pissed off since a few years after I was born.

“Maybe something happened near the start of the 20th century that annoyed him.

“I suppose we could ask him but that might just make it worse. I sometimes hear whistling from the shed so he seems to be okay when he’s on his own.”

Hobbs’s wife Linda said: “He was quite chirpy during the 90s. He’s probably just hungry.”

Man with unfashionable front door feared by neighbours

A MAN without a trendy oak panelling front door is a dangerous non-conformist, neighbours believe.

Retail worker Tom Logan has caused concern by having a cheap-looking plastic front door instead of a sleek, sturdy modern one.

Neighbour Donna Sheridan said: “Most people in the street have got a proper light brown oak panelling door, ideally with a vertical silver handle, but Logan thinks he’s different with his shitty white plastic door that looks like it came out of a skip.

“I don’t know what he gets up to in there, probably druggie sex parties where they all wear masks to make it extra-perverted. At least the door will be easy to bash in when the police arrive.

“I just wish a nice family with a normal door would move in, although it’ll be hard to sell the property if there are male prostitutes under all the floorboards.”

Logan said: “Most evenings I just watch telly or use my vast occult library to open portals to evil dimensions.”