THE UK has agreed that days at this point are taking weeks, and weeks are taking entire f**king years.
The advent of widespread homeworking, closed schools, being unable to go anywhere and the accelerating pace of events mean that this time last month’s cinema visit is a distant memory.
Tom Logan of Mansfield said: “A few 30-minute work calls on Monday morning? Sure. Location: my front room. Duration: one day.
“In one sense nothing happens. But on my phone a year’s worth of news events is being fast-forwarded through like a montage.
“I was glad it was Friday when it was Tuesday. I found myself staring into a cupboard with a packet of Hob-Nobs in hand for 45 minutes, or was it six hours?
“A greater power is clearly f**king with humanity’s sense of time. Though my girlfriend says that’s just my excuse for being on PlayStation until 3am.”
Quantum physicist Dr Helen Archer said: “As far as we can tell, 2020 will not end.”