Delivery driver’s coming anticipated like Christ’s


THE coming of a Yodel driver who will drop off a package today has been anticipated like the return of the messiah. 

All has been prepared for the coming of the driver, including Post-its on the door, hushed, reverential music and the cancelling of all other, lesser, human activity.

Homeowner Tom Booker said: “It has been foretold, by text, at an unspecified time between 9am and 5pm, and so it shall be.

“We await his coming in silence. Not into the garden shall we nip, nor down the shops pop, for that is the moment when He shall come.

“A signature He must have, as a mark of our faith, before he bestows upon us the blessing of items we have bought and paid for.

“There are those who say He leaves without knocking, like a thief. That He is indifferent to our long vigil. That He treats his loyal acolytes with contempt.

“But I trust in Him.”

Driver Wayne Hayes said: “And lo, I feared there might be a dog and so was forced to slip a ‘Sorry we missed you’ card through.

“But on the third day, I shall redeliver.”