Divorced parents left unattended

CONCERNS are growing after a divorced couple have been left alone together for the first time in a decade.

Carolyn Ryan and her ex-husband Bill McKay, have both attended their daughter’s 30th birthday party despite not having been in the same room since their son’s graduation eight years ago.

Although the exes claims they are ‘mature adults’ who are ‘perfectly capable’ of being civil, guests have overheard the words ‘money’, ‘liar’ and ‘spineless cheating cock-minded sack of shit’.

Their daughter Sonia said, “I can physically feel an icy chill coming off mum so I’m guessing dad is talking about his second wife.

“If he does that thing where he muddles the dates of his affairs and starts talking about a holiday he secretly took when he was still married to mum, she might set about him with a cake slice.”

Son Ronald said: “I wish they could just get on like the parents in Mrs Doubtfire at the end of the movie. The day of my graduation, I had to make sure conversation didn’t drift into any danger areas, like the whole of the past.

“They hate each other’s guts, but I know underneath all that there is also a very deep-rooted and long-standing desire to harm each other.

“It’s either going to kick off or worse still they might end up shagging.”

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Ask Holly: It's nearly October and I haven't seen any Christmas adverts, what the hell is wrong with people?

Dear Holly,

It’s nearly October and I haven’t seen any Christmas adverts yet. What the hell is wrong with people?



Dear Jesus, 

I’ve already started making my Christmas list. I don’t need any toys, they are soooo 20th century. Why go outside and ride a bike or waste time with Barbie dolls when you can spend seven hours a day watching a pair of disembodied hands opening surprise eggs and talking in an annoying American accent about collecting Shopkins? If you don’t know what I am talking about then you either don’t have kids or you need to learn how to parent with your iPad. Either way you need to get a life.

Hope that helps