Wednesday, 28th October 2020

Do you just repeat any b*llocks you hear in the pub?

ARE you the sort of sh*thead who unquestioningly trots out anything someone in a pub tells you? Shared any of these? 

Coronavirus is a bio-weapon

It’s the Chinese. Or the CIA. Or Mossad. Who did it and why is just detail. Big business did it to raise the price of Chinese-made goods like iPhones, which makes as much sense as Tesco putting human excrement in ready meals to make you buy another one.

Ken Loach was in Depeche Mode

The classic musical myth is that Bob Holness played sax on Baker Street, but why not more in a similar vein? Adele has six fingers, or Gary Numan auditioned for the role of Chief Brody in Jaws? Harmless, timewasting, annoying.

The left is going to [insert ridiculous thing here]

Ban straight sex? Nationalise Greggs? People repeating anti-leftie nonsense is a gift to the Tories, but in fairness lefties do a similar ‘this is how the Nazis got started’ version. Boris is bad enough without pretending he’s Hitler, who at least put the hours in.

Planes leave chemtrails

The obvious flaw in claiming that aeroplanes leave mind-controlling chemtrails is how come it’s not working on you? And wouldn’t it be easier just to put the same stuff in KFC?

Female celebrity X used to be a man

If an actress or sportsperson doesn’t resemble the most basic stereotype of femininity – roughly Melinda Messenger – they were once or are now a man. Says more about you than them, and what it says is ‘I’m a twat.’