Do you still live with your parents? Take our test to find out...

IN the busy, modern world it can be hard to tell if you’re living like an actual grown up with their own place of residence or if you still live with your mum and dad, like a toddler. Take our test to find out: 

How do you wash your clothes?

a) Washing machine or when it’s buggered like now because there’s coins and tissues in the drainage, it’s the bloody laundrette
b) I put them in a basket in my room

What are you having for dinner tonight?

a) Either a Bombay Bad Boy Pot Noodle or a fish-finger smorgasbord, because there’s only one slice of bread

b) Not sure yet, possibly lamb chops in rich gravy with roast potatoes on the side, but if it’s not exactly what I fancy I’ll complain bitterly

How much rent do you pay? 

a) 85 per cent of my salary
b) £85 a week which includes food and utility bills. I know, it’s an absolute rip-off, that’s my money

What kind of car do you drive? 

a) The financial advisor says I’ll be able to afford a 2001 Toyota Yaris when I’m 55, but insurance might be a problem
b) VW Beetle convertible in custom hot pink, 2.0 litre diesel. It’s getting a bit old though, I might trade it in

Would you like to move in with your partner? 

a) Not really, but the savings in rent would mean we can afford a meal out once every two months
b) Not really, his/her parents wear onesies at the weekend


Mostly As: You do not live with your parents. Congratulations on being an adult. It’s shit.

Mostly Bs: You live with your parents and are a spoiled brat secretly envied by all friends who tell you to move out.

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Woman who got toilet code at Starbucks without buying anything recruited by MI5

A WOMAN who gained access to the toilets at Starbucks without a purchase has been recruited by the UK’s security services. 

Carolyn Ryan’s initiative in securing a safe place to urinate with no £4.30 cappuchino buy to cover her has seen her immediately made a domestic espionage agent, with a licence to kill only a formality.

She said: “Yeah. I mean obviously not everyone could do this.

“There’s a range of techniques – waiting for someone else to leave then sneaking in, claiming you’re waiting for a friend, simply trying 1234 – but fortune favours the bold.

“With desperation and a weak bladder on my side, I went for it. Asked for the code. Didn’t even have a cover story ready. If I’d been blown it would all be over, but it went like clockwork.

“When I left I was contacted by an MI5 recruiter. They want me to spearhead operations against Russia. I’m pushing for China. Want to get where the action is.”

Starbucks barista Mary Fisher said: “I honestly don’t give a shit. I give anyone the code.”