Monday, 10th May 2021

'Doesn't suffer fools gladly', and other ways to describe unreasonable bastards

SHOULD we really describe people as ‘not suffering fools gladly’ when in fact they’re just opinionated gobshites? Here are some weird euphemisms for unreasonable folk.

‘Doesn’t suffer fools gladly’

If you want to call someone an absolute twat in a nice way, this is a good phrase to choose. It was first coined by Saint Paul in his second letter to the Church at Corinth, so you could even say it is the Christian way to slag someone off.

‘No-nonsense type’

Has your next-door neighbour come round and threatened you because you parked your car a centimetre in front of their drive? You could call them a no-nonsense type, or you could call them a total psychopath with anger management issues.

‘Redoubtable’

This is a fancy and complicated way of describing an unreasonable person. Hopefully they might also be stupid too, so that they think you’re complimenting them in a posh way, rather than suggesting they’d be a nightmare to get drunk with.

‘Takes no shit from anyone’

This sounds tough but instantly marks you out as someone who enjoys disagreeing with people for the sake of it. The type of person who would threaten to punch a stranger in the pub for looking at them ‘funny’, or enjoy sending death threats to people on the neighbourhood Facebook group who they believe have disrespected them.

‘Moody f**king bastard’

When all else fails, just be honest about it. At least if you tell someone they’re a bellend to their face, it’s unlikely they’ll want to hang out with you ever again.