RAIL operators have defended their decision to once again mess about with the lines at the weekend because it only ruins fun stuff.
Train bosses stand by their commitment to run a drastically reduced service on the two busiest days of the week because all it disrupts is exciting trips to the seaside and pleasant visits to see old friends.
National Rail CEO Martin Bishop said: “We can’t exactly re-lay track or randomly cancel trains during the working week. You’ve all got shitty, miserable jobs to get to and we wouldn’t want you to be late.
“Your friends aren’t going to fire you though if you don’t make it to a reunion on time because you’ve ended up taking a detour on a delayed rail replacement bus. It makes complete sense if you think about it.”
Rail engineer Wayne Hayes said: “The tracks in this country are all totally f**ked. If we steadily work on them at a rate of two days per week then we should be halfway to completion by 2052.
“Of course by the time we’re done we’ll have to start fixing stuff from the beginning again so here’s no end in sight to our disruption. But at least it’ll make your relaxing weekends feel much, much longer in the worst possible way.”