'Doomscrolling' and other terms we'd pay good money never to hear again

THE rich and beautiful English language of Shakespeare, Donne and E L James is increasingly a thing of the past. Here are yet more words that should be fired directly into the sun.


Refers to the endless bad news you wallow in on social medial. And it’s spreading faster than ‘the Rona’, which is also annoying. So here’s a tip: put the phone down. Go for a walk. Enjoy the fresh air and listen to the birds. Come home and start angrily tweeting about how no one was wearing a mask.


People don’t just like things anymore, they ‘Stan’ them. Yes, what better way to show your approval than referencing a fictional crazed fan who killed his wife and unborn child? Also every time you say it, it reminds someone of that awful Dido song Eminem sampled on the track.


Slightly obscure, forcing many of us to stop reading and go ‘Uh, what does that mean?’ while feeling old and out-of-touch. It does of course mean ‘fear of missing out’. Considering we’re all missing out on most things right now, it’s a bit redundant. And using abbreviations as normal words makes you look like a wanker. You’d have thought people would have learned from OMG and ROTFL.


A combination of ‘hungry’ and ‘angry’, it’s the kind of word you’d expect a toddler to use by mistake. Instead actual adults do. Usually ones with a ‘Don’t Talk To Me Until I’ve Had My Coffee’ novelty mug. And if you can’t control your emotions because you’re peckish, what are you going to do when something actually quite bad happens, like your car failing its MOT? Get a gun and start taking hostages? 

That’s a bit of me

As with so many cultural touchstones, this one shot to prominence on Love Island. Where instead of liking someone or something, he, she or it became ‘a bit of me’. Sounds faintly sinister, like the Borg assimilating people in Star Trek: The Next Generation, which the Love Islanders probably don’t watch because it makes their brains hurt.

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First they came for Clarkson, but I did not speak out because I'm not that into cars

FIRST Clarkson. Now Piers. By the end of the Wokerati purge, will there be any middle-aged jowly white men left in Britain? Here Roy Hobbs discusses their plight.

When they came for Clarkson in 2015, on trumped-up charges of assaulting a colleague when drunk and justifiably craving hot food, I am ashamed to say I did not speak out. 

I’m not that into cars, and though everyone always says Top Gear is not all cars I tried watching it a couple of times and it mostly is. So I remained silent. 

Then they came for Jeremy Kyle, and although I felt it unjust because he shone a light on the scum that infest Britain I work during the day so I never saw it. So I did not speak out. 

And now, when they have come for Piers Morgan, for no other reason than his unhinged diatribes against a woman who ghosted him, who is left to speak out? 

Not the Jeremys. They’re both gone. Not their legions of fans, scattered to streaming services or watching Judge Rinder. Even Chris Evans has been silenced, his voice heard by nobody, since moving to Virgin Radio. 

Who will speak out when they come for me? Not Jeremy. Not the other, lesser Jeremy. Not Piers. No, when I am cancelled there will be nobody left to speak out. 

Apart from Laurence Fox. And frankly that would do more harm than good because he’s a bit of a wanker really.