Saturday, 7th December 2019

Driving fast through puddles best thing about being an adult

SPLASHING water everywhere while driving along waterlogged roads is the key to peak happiness in adulthood, a survey has found.

The experience beat childbirth, big televisions and finally untangling headphone cables for pure joy, especially if soaking someone from head to foot.

Psychologist Dr Helen Archer said: “Adulthood is dull. Driving cars is mostly dull. But careering through deep water at a speed that’s less than sensible, sending up a huge sheet of spray, that’s the best.

“We have long known that ducks and toddlers like puddles, and we now have confirmation that grown men and women also like to splish-splosh around without giving two hoots about the consequences.

“The optimum conditions are where the puddle can’t be avoided, more than two people are soaked, and when the spray makes a wonderful rainbow in the rear-view mirror over their pathetic shaking fists.

“The next BMW 8 Series ads will feature a blissful driver soaking a festival queue of 35 people. Amazing they’ve not done it before.”

Wayne Hayes of Hereford said: “I love a burst water pipe or a flash flood. Accelerating through ankle-high water, I feel like Vin Diesel. Except I’m in a Yaris on an A road.”