A MOB of more than 400,000 drunks is staggering around the UK searching for a carol service to bellow at.Ready to fight anyone who says Mariah Carey isn’t a Christmas carol
The mob, which began at a pub in Birmingham at 11.30pm last night, has so far visited 65 empty churches, 18 primary schools, nine distribution warehouses, six hospital wards, the House of Commons and hangar 89 of Luton Airport in their fruitless search.
Bystander Donna Sheridan said: Id only had a few Baileys when they swept past me, dragging me in their wake, singing the first verse of The Holly And The Ivy over and over again.
I dont know what came over me. Suddenly I was as deranged as them, screaming Good King Wenceslas like a banshee at frightened passers-by, telling a man in a black coat that if he wasnt a priest Id glass him.
I wandered with them for hours, our massed voices shattering windows with the loud bit in O Come All Ye Faithful, until they lost me when I was pissing in a doorway.
Detective Inspector Tom Booker said: The mob, currently believed to be somewhere near Coventry, will not rest until its insatiable need to sing the proper words of We Three Kings has been quenched.
Unfortunately most churches they stumble into have already been converted to Wetherspoons, and when they did happen upon a carol service it was during the sermon so they looted the Christingles and left.