A MEMBER of an ethnic minority who bastardised his name into a single, easy-to-pronounce syllable has been lifted into the air by his gammon colleagues.
After deciding that ‘Sid’ was about his workmates’ level, Siddharth Patel was transformed in moments from ‘one of those diversity hires’ to ‘one of the good ones’.
He said: “I decided it was easier than repeatedly correcting everyone, but it’s been taken like I’ve offered the olive branch of peace after generations of war.
“It’s unlocked a series of previously unavailable workplace privileges, including Friday pub lunches and being told ‘we don’t mean you, mate’ when immigration comes up. Which it does far more frequently than I had previously realised.
“We’ve gone from ‘where are you really from?’ and ‘do you even drink?’ to invites to play five-a-side, all because I now bear the moniker of an elderly white man. They assume I support England in the cricket. And that I care about cricket.
“It’s amazing what deleting six letters can do for race relations. I’ve told my wife to become ‘Jaz’ immediately and she’ll be promoted by the end of the week.”
Psychologist Sophie Rodriguez said: “The phenomenon has been observed for decades with Mohammed becoming Mo and countless Chinese students deciding ‘Kevin’ was preferable to three years of ‘I’ll never get that right’.”
Patel’s colleagues have declared Britain the least racist country in the world, citing the fact they ‘get on brilliantly with Sid’ and ‘he even eats sandwiches’.
