BRITONS are currently either away or brimming with resentment, it has emerged.
Experts said the nation had been split into two categories, with the ‘left-behinds’ defined by their loathing of the ‘gone-aways’.
Office worker Roy Hobbs said: “It’s like the day after the Rapture here, all the anointed ones have disappeared and only the lowly scumbags like me are left in the hellish tedium of corporate employment.
“Fuck them for their organised approach to holiday application forms.”
Sales executive Nikki Hollis said: “Everyone on my street has gone to lovely places. I am seriously considering breaking into their houses.
“Not to steal anything, just to move furniture around and freak them out. Maybe write the word ‘pricks’ in toothpaste on the bathroom mirror.”