PEOPLE aged 25 and under are not the adults they believe because they still behave like tiny little children.
Despite being legally allowed to drive, get married, and drink and enter nightclubs, people under the age of 25 should be classified and treated as young kids because that is pretty much what they are.
Social scientist Dr Helen Archer said: “We searched far and wide to find a mature and sophisticated young person, but they simply don’t exist anymore. There must have been a mass extinction event in the mid to late eighties.
“People under 25 can barely fend for themselves, know f**k all, and most of them are shit with money, and yet we’re expected to take them seriously and allow them to vote? It’s utter madness.
“They listen to childish music, have half-thought-out opinions that you repeat to friends when you want a good laugh, dress in silly, garish clothing and act like conversations about mortgages are boring. Sounds like a kid to me.
“If you lined up a bunch of young people aged from one to 25, I’d struggle to notice any difference once they’re not crawling around in nappies. That might make me sound ageist but they all look the same when they’re covered in glitter.
“No, I’m not jealous of their youth, limitless potential, and abundance of opportunities to look forward to, why do you ask? I’m only in my late 40s, which by my new categorisation puts me in my early 20s.”