Family eating at table just watching telly from slightly different angle

A FAMILY who decided to dine together at the table for a change now have to crane their necks to watch Emmerdale. 

The Cooks, who usually enjoy their evening meal on the sofa, agreed that they should make the effort to have a proper dinner together like it says you should in the Sunday supplements.

However, they have discovered that the new arrangement makes it difficult for most of them to properly see the television and, for the unlucky person at the head of the table, impossible.

Julian Cook said: “It’s important to spend proper time together as a family every day instead of slouching in front of a screen like common scum. In theory, that is.

“But the chairs aren’t comfortable, we’re all stuck staring at each other’s munching faces and it turns out none of us particularly wants to hear about anyone else’s day, so we left the telly on.

“The reflection on the screen’s a problem, it’s not easy to change the channel and the angle made Richard Osman look even more freakish than usual, but I’m determined to carry on. Maybe get the old telly out of the attic.”

Wife Sarah Cook said: “I can see this lasting two weeks, max. Julian wants us to ‘talk more’, but if it wasn’t for The One Show we’d have nothing to talk about.”

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Man who went camping at weekend expects sympathy

A MAN who went on a rain-soaked camping trip at the weekend is telling colleagues as if he deserves sympathy. 

Tom Booker is behaving as if the trip, which apparently was ruined by the entirely predictable hazards of wind, rain, cold and the horrendous impracticality of the whole endeavour, is something for which other people should feel sorry for him. 

Helen Archer said: “Apparently the first disaster was that he’d forgotten the pegs, which surely provided him with the perfect excuse to turn around and go home. He didn’t. So it’s all his own fault. 

“Then he woke up and the tent had leaked and he had to get changed in his car, which if you will play at being homeless then face the consequences. 

“Then they went for a walk but the mist was down so they couldn’t see anything. I feel like you could probably tell that from the bottom of the mountain and go the pub instead, but I didn’t say it. 

“Now apparently he’s got to unpack and dry a wet tent. I can’t really empathise with that, because I was clever enough to stay in a warm house watching telly.” 

Booker said: “The thing is, I went camping once and it was good. So I’m confident the 230 terrible times since are just an unfortunate blip.”