Fancy burgers not actually that great

FANS of fashionable US-type food have been reminded that it is just meat with cheese on it.

As gourmet burgers, barbecued ribs and other ‘diner style’ foods reach epidemic proportions across the UK, some Britons have noticed that these are just slightly better quality variations on the crap they were eating years ago.

Plumber Tom Logan said: “I was at Texas Jack’s Barbecue Shack, excitedly chomping through a ’28-day-aged’ Angus ranch burger with Monterey Jack cheese, when I realised it was just a Wimpy with nicer tables.

“If you look at the menu, everything is just a piece of meat either with or without onions or cheese.

“Fries are chips, and coleslaw is disgusting, it’s like cabbage with milk on it. There was nothing there that a child could not cook.

“I have tasted America, and it is greasy.”

American food fan Stephen Malley said: “I just love that authentic barbecue taste. You don’t get that at home, unless you own a barbecue which in fairness many people do.”

Food writer Nikki Hollis said: “It’s almost as if Britain has been duped by clever marketing. Difficult to imagine, I know.”

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Does ‘extremists’ include Russell Brand? asks everyone

BRITAIN will accept diminished civil rights if it means less Russell Brand on the television, it has emerged.

Proposals by Theresa May to ban enemies of democracy from broadcasting were greeted cautiously but the public if that included pirate-esque comedians with messianic tendencies.

Plumber Stephen Malley said: “It’s a questionable piece of legislation ripe for abuse by the government, but just think – no Brand.

“He won’t be flipping his dandy’s hands on Alan Carr, he won’t be bumming up with Jonathan Ross, he won’t be referring to Evan’s cockring on Newsnight.

“If you live your life as a beardy cult leader mesmerising young women, you must take the consequences.”