FATHERS are demanding an end to Father’s Day, after they were forced to leave their gardens to awkwardly receive a token gift.
The annual tepid celebration of the more emotionally distant parent caused considerable inconvenience as many fathers had to come into the house to be handed a Nick Hornby book and a card with racing cars on.
63-year-old father Stephen Malley said: “I don’t like Nick Hornby, racing cars or emotion so this was a triple-decker annoyance.
“I wasted at least five minutes on acknowledging the ill-considered offerings before I was able to return to the wooden structure in the garden where I basically live in voluntary isolation.”
Father-of-two Roy Hobbs said: “The only present I ever want is to be left alone. Why can’t these people understand that?
“My children are pleasant enough but ultimately they’re just sexual by-products and I have a piece of wood I need to saw up.”
Fathers are now calling for Father’s Day to be either stopped altogether or combined with Christmas so that it can be safely ignored.
However many Britons are today experiencing mild guilt after having forgotten Father’s Day.
26-year-old Nikki Hollis said: “I thought it was next week or something, and thus completely forgot to buy a Nick Hornby book and a card with racing cars on.
“Oh well. Fuck it.”