Fear of spoilers now greater than fear of death

BRITONS are more scared of accidentally discovering plot details of American TV series than they are of dying.

Research by the Institute for Studies found that 83% of Britons live in constant fear of spoilers.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “People are of the opinion that life is transient, but Breaking Bad is forever.

“Also series length now means that many have invested more time in Dexter or Spartacus than in their children’s upbringing.

“Many are afraid to leave the house, or even the room where their telly is, for fear of being ‘spoiled’. And thousands who do venture out wear earplugs and eye masks to avoid story leakage.”

Spoiler aversion is making subjects unteachable as students walk out of lectures about Shakespeare’s tragedies, Fermat’s Last Theorem and the heat-death of the universe complaining that they could ‘completely blow the story’.

However Croydon greengrocer Tom Booker said: “I’m now calling spoiler alert on any conversations that bore me.

“Just today I’ve shut people up by claiming I don’t know who won the Second World War, what the season after summer is or where the M1 goes.

“When the wife started to tell me about her day, I told her I didn’t want to hear it because I hadn’t read her Twitter timeline yet and didn’t want her hampering my enjoyment. Worked like a charm.”

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Pippa Middleton appointed gore editor of Fangoria magazine

PIPPA Middleton has landed yet another journalistic appointment, as gore editor of US horror magazine Fangoria.

Pippa’s role will involve watching notorious horror films like Nightmare in a Damaged Brain and describing the best murders.

She said: “I’m really passionate about graphically violent horror films, especially really sleazy low budget ones where people cut their own limbs off with electric knives.

“Apart from baking and smiling, watching films where the blood sprays until the screen is literally crimson is pretty much my favourite thing.”